Thursday, January 29, 2009

The Return ( I hope)

So, here I am trying to wiggle my way back into the blogging world after some much needed downtime and some much unneeded stress. Who are we kidding? I love stress. I thrive on it. I picked to work on a very unpredictable and stressful floor at the hospital, for God's sake. If I didn't do well with stress, I would have flipped my nut long ago. Those external forces pushing on me hold me together to a degree. Sometime I wish they would not push so hard and so often, but I can't control much of anything right now.

Part of why I haven't written anything is because I was( am) in some sort of creative slump. Christmas tends to soak up so much of my time and talents that it leaves little for anything else. And once that hub-bub is over, I just want to let my brains cool down a bit before I start making demands on them again.

Another thing is that so much of what is happening, say with Sammy, is up in the air. That makes it hard to write about as well. What can I say when I am not sure what point we are in in the process?

And really, if I force myself to sit here and write, it will end up being horrible. I must say that NEVER in my life have I had a lack of material to write about, but my mind is easily diverted. I blame my job for this. I have to walk around for 13 hrs with hundreds of bits of info about two patients, much of which is critical for their well-being, and then I have to dump that info out and get a new batch the next shift for two other people. So my brain is in a constant turn-over.

Ah, enough with the excuses, right?

Let's see...Sammy is back in full day school. Seems he was actually worse on those half days. Refusing to do any work in school and acting out more than usual. Not sure what was going with that weirdness. We talked to the teacher and we decided to send him back full time after the Thanksgiving break. The first week went incredibly well and I thought maybe I over reacted with the whole anxiety about school thing. WRONG! it slowly slid downhill from there. He has decent and horrible days. I can NEVER predict them. He can leave the house miserable and have a fine day. He can skip out the door happily and he has a terrible day. Total crap shoot. He has more testing to go through and I am just riding it out. Nothing more I can do. One thing they want to do is to advance IQ test him. That should be interesting. He told me the other day it was too bright outside for him due to solar flares. I swear, he wears me out.

Work has been weird. I am flip-flopping from days to nights. I am getting too old for such things. Though, God forbid, I am forced to choose one shift. I love each of them for certain things and hate each of them for others. Day shift has a pretty big group of new nurses and though I TOTALLY do not mind helping any of them it can be stressful. I was new once too. ( a long,long time ago. sigh) But, it can be stressful. I swear the other day my name was said no less than 1000 times. By 7pm I was crazed. They are all excellent nurses, just very nervous. And they should be. One mistake can mean life or death. That is no exaggeration. Sometimes it is easier to slip into a night shift and just ride it out for 13 hours. Truth be told, I love that complete exhaustion feeling. Falling into bed and knowing I am going to get some incredible, deep sleep. Since sleep is such an issue for me I have to go with what works.

I have quite a few blog articles in my drafts. I suppose I really need to work on completing things. Hmmm...maybe my goal for 2009. Might help lift me from my winter crud.

Oh well. I will try to be better. I am a work in progress. Aren't we all.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

What the Hell?

I had to get my butt in here and write something..anything, before y'all think I fell off the face of the earth! I looked back and I can't believe it has been so ling since I wrote anything. Christmas makes me insane and I am recovering still.
I wanted to post a video of my kids from Christmas. Sammy had just about had it when we got to my parents house for our 4th Christmas celebration. I can't blame the kid..I was spent too. I was attempting to get a picture of them in my mother's living room and was able to catch of bit of the REAL Sammy on film.